The seaside came to Aspull on Saturday with the visit of promotion rivals Blackpool who came with the intent of derailing the Emus promotion chances but Capt Andy ( yes he did turn up ) and his men put on some exciting open rugby which the seasiders could not live with.
The conditions were made for the visitors cold wet and tacky a bit like the front at Blackpool. Andy was given special dispensation from his local care home to play but he had to be home by 6pm for his Horlicks.
The crowd couldn’t wait for the start of the game the ref called the 2 captains to shake hands and toss the coin, the shouts could be heard from the terraces who's that old b****rd going to the middle not seen him before then we realised it was Andy when he got out his Selfridges bag and double headed coin the same one he uses when he bets his workers double or quits on their wages.
As you read this there will be some facts that are true some that are not quite true and some that may well be a little untrue
The game kicked off, well nearly as John G couldn’t manage to kick the ball 10m this was to be John Gs only mistake of the day (that’s not true at all )
Blackpool had run up some large scores in recent weeks but the Emus were not about to let them run away with this one the defence was solid and with the backs producing some good moves (mainly when Johns passes missed out their Jeff) the emus looked dangerous. Blackpool took the lead from a penalty (probably given away by Scouse) 0-3. This spurred the Emus into action and after some good forward play Reevey made the break passed onto Chad Boyce who CAUGHT it and PASSED it back inside (even I couldn’t make that up) to Cameron who slipped the ball to reeve to score 5-3 Jeff G missed the kick (and this was definitely not his only mistake). The Emus were awarded a penalty after some good defensive work "kick to touch" said Capt Andy , Jeff stepped up and to gain more distance due to the tight angle produced an excellent banana kick which curved beautifully unfortunately for the emus it curled away from touch and straight into the full backs arms (told you it wasn’t his only mistake watch this space). The Emus forwards were dominating the contact area with Jake the beast having more turnovers than Galloways. Centre reeve was a constant threat and scored his 2nd try to increase the lead converted by Jeff 12-3
Jeff was put in the clear by the best Gavin, John but failed to hold onto the ball (mistakes are mounting up). Aspull continued to squander chances Capt andy dropped an easy pass cries from the crowd of ‘ he wouldn’t have dropped his shopping bag ‘ were a bit harsh. Now if they had said lager I could understand it. The tries continued with Jeff scoring an Excellent try after a break by Reeve 19-3 blackpool were looking shell shocked at some of the rugby being played by the Emus. Another break saw reeve throw out a try scoring pass but the ref quite rightly pulled him back for a forward pass Liam was not happy and gave away a penalty due to being an obnoxious little brat!
The ref is always right (true or not true you decide).
another try went begging when the backs created space out wide Jeff drew his man and with scouse outside him with a clear run to the line Threw a shocking pass ( I know you won’t believe this one )
Olly parker scored the next try having gained shore leave from his dinghy on Southport boating lake , Andy made a break from his own half but unfortunately he found the quick sand but luckily before he was swallowed up passed to Ollie 24-3 Blackpool never gave up but they could not match Aspull's pace and power in the backs and Jeff was playing to, the forwards were in excellent form Random was having his best game in an Emu shirt, Cameron was working hard along with Smudge, Jake was outstanding in the loose using his pace and power to dominate the ruck area a great effort after returning from a career threatening injury those twisted socks can be painful.
With Aspull holding a commanding lead they decided to give Blackpool a chance by taking off dangerman Nick and replacing him with a younger model although not as good looking or as quick as nick (believe what you want) Louis made his debut for Aspull and showed a little bit of promise although he did score 3 and get man of the match he needs to buck up if he is keep his place in the Emus squad. Jake was constantly giving advice to his fellow emus (some say he was a pain in the arse ) he did however have a serious issue with his lifting blocks which caused major concerns Wiggi had to rush to the changing rooms for more tape ( when I say rush he finished his cig 1st ) the tape arrived Jakes lifting blocks were restored to their former glory just in time for him to be substituted leaving the field with a bloodied nose and lots and lots of advice for his team mates.
Aspull continued to play some great rugby Reeve completed his hat trick Young Louis scored 3 in quick succession Random raced 50m for a well-deserved try with scouse cheering him on from the touch line (he actually said o shit not our random ) he has got more tries than me now Fred completed the try scoring for the emus after he had been separated from his Girlfriend , Blackpool did manage to score the last try and claimed a victory but we decided not to play Aspull rules today.
Andys marauding 2s confirmed their status as genuine promotion contenders with this comprehensive victory against Blackpool 1s
Some great individual performances but overall an excellent team effort
Some or all of the content of this report maybe correct or a little poetic justice may have been used, any questions please direct them to someone who cares
Merry Christmas all EMUs and Emu families
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