Fri 24 Mar 2017 16:15

Sat 29 Oct 2016

Aspull RFC
Newton-le-Willows RUFC

Aspull’s excellent start to the season continued despite the loss of several key players and the return of Jake. With the arrival of some new match balls courtesy of our Olympic Emu, all was set for another match filled with excitement flowing rugby, some bone crunching tackling and Jake. The pitch once again in good condition thanks to our grounds man Jimmy who got rid of the mole hills before the game, although I think he had over done it with the sprinklers as the pitch was a bit damp. As Aspull prepared for the game it was noted that the new balls were a bit slippery due to the damp conditions "I thought these were meant to be good balls" the reply came "well they don't expect it F***ing Rain in Dubai"

The game started with Aspull taking control and with Jake returning from his much needed weekend off (needed by his team mates not Jake), their defence was once again strong. Jake was playing like a stick man possessed flying into tackles and when his best mate Sam was high tackled he flew into help him cleaning out the hooker as he said "nobody hurts my Sam." Jake was later taken off for his own safety he was drugs tested but all we could find was Calpol and McTuckys.

Allan was unavailable due to his surfing commitments in Cornwall reports of a beached Emu being spotted on the coast are yet to be confirmed.

With a late cry off by one of our older more experienced backs Aspull had to dig into their pool of talent as a replacement unfortunately all they could find at short notice was Johnny Linekar who answered the late call finishing work early to join the fun although old Mrs Brown wasn't that pleased as he was fixing her boiler at the time he got the call I just hope she doesn't get hyperthermia.

The game was never in doubt as you can see from the boring bit below.

Aspull put on their best display of the season thrashing 2nd place newton scoring 9 excellent tries. The visitors had no answer to Aspull’s power and pace as the home side dominated from the kick off. The forwards controlled the rucks and lineouts and continually made holes in the newton defence.
1st half tries by:
Johnny Linekar
Tom Johnson
Liam West 
Craig Smith
And 2 conversions by Kieran Ford gave Aspull a comfortable 22:0 lead at HT.
Aspull continued to control the 2nd half and scored 5 more tries:
Craig Smith 
Michael Webb (2)
Kieron Ford

Liam West
With ford converting 4 to give Aspull a huge boost in their bid for promotion.
Liam West was once again outstanding along with his fellow back rows Nathan Bennett and Andrew Seddon.
Winger Jake Greenhalgh had a good game in defence with several bone crunching tackles.
An excellent team performance and a well-deserved victory over a team pushing for promotion themselves.

An executive decision was made to reduce the length of the after match court session to a select few. Up to 4 people would be called to answer their misdemeanours before being found guilty. Decision was taken to reduce the time taken for the court, to stop Kieran falling asleep and to increase potential drinking time at the bar.

2 of the selections for court were easy


Committed a serious breach of EMU confidentiality LAW 3 SUBSECTION 4 PARAGRAPH 2 APPENDIX A

“Though shalt on no occasion allow a woman to view or comment on anything that is placed on the confidential EMUS WhatsApp site.”


This poor man has had a horrible week and I hope you all wish him well when you see him and show due concern, we do not realise what this man has been through he was unable to attend training the week before the biggest game of the season as he had a COUGH. Bless him, after the message “I can’t make training tonight I'm not well.” We all expected him to be tucked up in bed nursing at least Pneumonia. But no he then put a picture of himself on the WhatsApp site having his hair cut!

Unfortunately, due to time constraints the court session was adjourned but not Forgotten TBC.

The spec this week was a Pumpkin carved in an Aspull theme.

Some great efforts: Jake had done an excellent depiction of scouse, he even had a cig hanging out its mouth; and he needs to be commended for trying to buy the judge with an offer of £20. But honest Baz can’t be bought off, well not with a miserly £20. Anyway, Liam West did leave a lot to be desired, Pikey made a strong case for inclusion but moidering the judge will get you nowhere.  

Finally after mush deliberation, it was decided that Nathan Bennett had produced the best pumpkin hand carved depicting the Aspull Emu at its best. Nathans reward was 4 beer tokens and he was delighted with his prize and happy that his xmas present for his dad, mum and brother Bradley had been sorted and he would still have a beer token left for himself.


Steve Bailey

Aspull RFC